Walking my daughter down the aisle

On the 15th of May, 2011,  I was honored to conduct the wedding ceremony for my youngest daughter,  Katrina.

I love my new son-in-law and consider him to be my newest son.  But I did give him some words of warning encouragement about treating my daughter well!  Coincidentally, I mentioned that I do have a shotgun in my home (grin).

I also believe that Aron and Katrina have a deep love for each other.  However, with so many marriages ending in divorce these days, something must be broken in our present-day concept of love.  So, during the ceremony, I offered some advice about what might help couples “stay in love. ”

First,  here is a quote from 1st Corinthians 13, verses 4-8 (from Eugene Peterson’s Message Bible:

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

That is a powerful description of love. But this is poetry and lest someone claim “poetic license” was used, I feel that I should elaborate.

Here is a short summary of what I believe are the five elements of true love:

1. Attraction: All humans (and even the animals) experience the natural attraction for another and the base desire to reproduce. Often it is based exclusively on physical appearance and is sometimes called “love at first sight.” For some, this is the extent of love as they know it and after sexual union, they are off to another “conquest.” Others may move from the initial attraction mode to a deeper experience. Those who do not, tend to express their “love” in a way that seems to say, “I will love you as long as you please me.” With that attitude, they are certain to “fall out of love” in a very short time.
2. Emotional Attachment: This is how many dictionaries define love. It is certainly an important element in true love but emotions are subject to a wide variety of external influences. Some have surmised that the line between love and hate is very thin. And what can cause one to slip from emotional love to hatred? It could be something as simple as a misspoken word or a misunderstood action. It could be the result of the actions of a third party. At a ball game, the actions of the players result in our emotions running the gammot from exultation to near grief. If we are to experience true love, we must go beyond our fleeting emotions.
3. Passion: Here, we are not speaking about erotic passion (although that kind of passion does have a place in the marriage bed). Any focused and long-term zeal might be called a passion. The zeal for doing things together is more in line with the concept of passion in love. We must never stop wanting to be close to our mate and to experience everything together.  But neither should we live so as to smother or stifle the object of our affections. We must be self-controlled and balanced in our passion. If not, the same pressures that case burn-out in over-zealous workers may lead to a total loss of passionate love. From the opposite perspective, the overly jealous mate may be so controlling as to cause the other to loose true passion in the relationship.
4. Intimacy: Again, the secular & base definition of “being intimate” is so much less than true intimacy with our marriage partner.  The “world” knows that all these things are needed to make love last. By re-writing the definitions into purely sexual terms, they assure that the number of divorces will continue to increase. The intimacy that is meant here is the closeness and caring that is defined by the agape’ love of Christ. It is that care that is self-sacrificing and puts the needs of the other before our own needs. As Peterson says (above), “Love cares more for others than for self.” This kind of intimacy will cause one to be willing to suffer great personal loss in order to bring care and comfort to the other.
5. Commitment: To some extent, each of the previous elements could be considered as external. (Intimacy probably does not fit this generalization.) To a greater or lesser degree, each of these elements are dependent on other people and their actions. But in the Bible, we are commanded to love – regardless of the actions of others. That is an internal decision that we must make. It speaks to your mate, “If your mind gets feeble and you don’t even recognize me any more – I will still love and care for you — Till death do us part!” Perhaps that is the element of love that is most absent in the multitude of marriages that end in divorce.

THAT is the kind of love that “never dies.” So, to my “bride” of 47 years, “I CHOOSE to love you – until death separates us.”

Updated on October 7, 2011 to add a few additional ideas and to correct some grammatical errors.

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Beau Waldo (1999-2009)

Beau was a rescue animal that we received in 2002. He was in pretty bad shape but we took him to the vet to get him checked out and get his shots. Unfortunately, he had already developed a case of heart worms.

We began the process of trying to get him well but just a month after he came to live with us, a larger dog bit Beau on the back of his neck. The bite was so severe that the vet had to cut all of the skin around the bite and let then let it grow back. It was my chore to wash the large open wound (a circle of about 5″ in diameter), medicate it and then bandage it up. It has never ceased to amaze me that every time I put Beau in my lap to begin this procedure, he would fall asleep! It said that he trusted me completely and that he was shutting off all his sense of pain until I finished. After a month, I took him back to the vet to have the skin stitched back together. He retained that unique “Y” shaped scare until he died.

Beau was a very quiet friend who rarely spoke. He only barked when there was some perceived danger in the yard or house. During his last year or so, he had lost most of his hearing and eyesight. But he was the first to recognize if a skunk was anywhere around! He would start announcing this and then the other three dogs would join him in wanting to go out and chase the offender off of our property.

Although Beau was the oldest dog in our home, when we received Papillion (a Pomeranian 1/3 Beau’s size), Beau allowed him to become “alpha” and rarely did Beau challenge him. I think that Beau held the motto of the ’70′s “I am a lover – not a fighter.”

But the cancer in Beau’s body became too much for him. Today, I took him to the vet and she told me that there was nothing else she could do for him and that it was time to allow him to rest. I still do not LIKE euthanasia. I just don’t know what is right. I did not want Beau to suffer any longer but I just wonder if it is RIGHT to stop their life. Never-the-less, I made the decision and with no pain or fighting, Beau easily went to sleep in my arms and his heart stopped just a couple minutes later. The problem — I cannot stop crying.

Our home will never be the same. But Beau got to enjoy one more Christmas. He loved being with all of the family and he loved the corduroy coat that Viv got him. He died warm. And, he was buried in his “Sherlock Holmes” coat. Rest in peace, my friend, rest in peace.

It seems “religion” is becoming an ever more popular topic of discussion among politicians and the stars of movies and television these days. But, invariably, when their conversations turn to matters of faith, there’s a glaring omission in their professions. They firmly believe that “good” people who live “good” lives, loving and caring for others, are going to get into heaven. As if to validate their beliefs, a growing number of them are very active and vocal in charitable endeavors. But you seldom, if ever, hear any of them mention Jesus. It seems very few of them have any room for Him in their varied systems of belief.

The fact is, this questioning, or at least omitting of the New Testament doctrine of salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ seems to be spreading. The words vary, but the central theme remains, “How can God (at least the one Christians worship) say He is love and then condemn so many people to Hell on a technicality? Isn’t that just plain hypocritical!” I don’t doubt that some of you may have heard similar statements from friends or relatives and are struggling to give an answer. We’ve struggled to give those we love an answer too. What follows are the results of that struggle, prefaced by three things God set as the anchor points for His response: Read the rest of this entry »

Here are a few quotes that may help one to understand the (sometimes confusing) concepts of God’s sovereignty and man’s free will:

“Our destiny is not determined for us, but it is determined by us. Man’s free will is part of God’s sovereign will. We have freedom to take which course we choose, but not freedom to determine the end of that choice.” Oswald Chambers

“Whoever is on God’s side is on the winning side and cannot lose; whoever is on the other side is on the losing side and cannot win. Here there is no chance, no gamble. There is freedom to choose which side we shall be on but no freedom to negotiate the results of the choice once it is made. By the mercy of God we may repent a wrong choice and alter the consequences by making a new and right choice. Beyond that we cannot go.” A. W. Tozer

“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live” Deuteronomy 30:19

Wesley Weatherford posted this today and it caused me to think about the need for INTENTIONALITY in restoration of our fallen comrades in ministry…

When Paul wrote “Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.” (Galatians 6:1 MSG) he was making it OUR RESPONSIBILITY to restore those who fall among us.

In too many cases, we have failed to live up to OUR RESPONSIBILITY in restoration.  We are accomplished speakers, singers, worshipers, givers, but we are not as good at restoration.  In the NASB, the verse translates… “considering yourself, lest you also be tempted…” and in so many cases, we don’t consider what we would need and then act upon that.

What are the things needed for restoration?  What can we do? Obviously, many are posting on this subject about love, forgiveness and acceptance. What does that mean and how does it translate in real-life terms? Read the rest of this entry »

He loves me. He loves me not.

The chant continues as one-by-one the daisy petals are plucked from the flower and dropped to the ground. At game’s end the last petal tells all; whether or not the person of their desire also cares for them in return.

Of course no one takes it seriously, and if children don’t get the answer they desire they take another daisy and start the process again. It doesn’t take long even for them to realize that flowers just weren’t designed to tell romantic fortunes. Why should they link their heart’s desires to the fickleness of chance?

Why indeed! But it is a lesson far easier learned in romance than in more spiritual pursuits. For long after we’ve put away our daisies, many of us continue to play the game with God. This time we don’t pluck flower petals, but probe through our circumstances trying to figure exactly how God feels about us.

• I got a raise. He loves me.
• I didn’t get the promotion I wanted, or I lost my job altogether. He loves me not!
• Something in the Bible inspired me today. He loves me!
• My child is seriously ill. He loves me not!
• I gave money to someone in need. He loves me!
• I let my anger get the best of me. He loves me not!
• Something I prayed for actually happened. He loves me!
• I stretched to truth to get me out of a tight spot. He loves me not!
• A friend calls from out of the blue and encourages me. He loves me!
• My car needs a new transmission. He loves me not!

This is an excerpt from the book, “He Loves Me” by Wayne Jacobsen. Read more at http://lifestream.org/waynes-books.php?bid=5

The following article was written by Peggie C. Bohanon on her website at http://peggiesplace.com/words59.htm.

• A Hurting Word…

If you’ve visited PapaQuest, at Peggie’s Place, you’ll know we’ve been on a diligent search around the world, looking for the perfect dad. AND you’ll also know we didn’t find him–he’s found only in our Heavenly Father, the source of all perfection and truth.

But *I* am still lookin’–back, around, and ahead, so much so that I feel like an actress in the old 80s movies, “Back to the Future.” Delightful fantasy! Now finding the perfect dad in my family tree is probably delightful fantasy too. For you see, I never DID find him–past, present, or future–but I did find some people who measure high on MY scale–and I’d like to honor them today! Read the rest of this entry »